Aν ήσουν χρώμα θα ήσουν σάπιο μήλο.
Αν ήσουν μήλο θα ήσουν και πάλι σάπιο μήλο.
Αν ήσουν φαγητό θα ήσουν το δεν-ξέρω-τι-πράγμα-είναι-αυτό-αλλά-δεν-το-βάζω-στο-στόμα-μου.
Αν ήσουν συμμαθητής θα ήσουν αυτός που πήρε πολύ σοβαρά τη δουλειά του απουσιολογίου δίνοντάς μας άλλοθι να σε σιχαινόμαστε (κάτι το οποίο συνέβαινε έτσι κι αλλιώς). Δικαιωθήκαμε όταν πήγες στη Βουλή των Εφήβων και μίλησες για την πατρίδα, την εκκλησία και πάνω απ’ όλα υγεία. Είσαι ο θείος που πάντα υποψιαζόμαστε, αυτός που λέει «εγώ θα κάτσω εδώ με τη νεολαία».
Αν ήσουν στιγμή της ημέρας θα ήσουν η στιγμή που ανάβουμε το τελευταίο τσιγάρο μέχρι με την πρώτη ρουφηξιά να ανακαλύψουμε πως το ανάψαμε από το φίλτρο.
Αν ήσουν καθημερινή κουβέντα θα ξεκίναγες με το «Εγώ δεν είμαι ρατσιστής αλλά…».
Αν ήσουν ποίημα σίγουρα θα είχες γραφτεί στο facebook, αν ήσουν όχημα θα ήσουν καμένο τρόλεϊ για πολιτικούς λόγους.
Αν ήσουν γενέθλια σίγουρα θα έπεφτες 29 Φεβρουαρίου και θα γιόρταζες μία κάθε 4 χρόνια.
Αν ήσουν τραγούδι θα σε παίζαμε ανάποδα για να ανακαλύψουμε τα σατανιστικά σου μηνύματα, αλλά το μόνο που θα ακουγόταν εκεί θα ήταν η Μαρινέλλα να τραγουδάει κανονικά.
Αν ήσουν ποτό ήδη έχουμε τυφλωθεί εξαιτίας σου, αν ήσουν αμαρτία σε θάψαμε κάπου στη Σιβηρία και αν είσαι το τελευταίο κομμάτι πίτσας ήδη μου έπεσες από τα χέρια.
Ω 2016, και η χειρότερη στιγμή σου είναι η διαπίστωση πως είσαι μια χρονιά από το μέλλον μας και όχι από το παρελθόν μας."
Θωμάς Τσαλαπάτης
[σσ αντι Υστερογραφου, ας παραθεσω μια ευστοχη παρατηρηση του Τσαλαπατη - απ' το ιδιο αρθρο - για το "πλαστικο πενθος" των (ουκ ολιγων) επωνυμων εκλιποντων του 2016:
"Είναι αυτή η μονομερής οικειότητα που ακόμα και στον μονόδρομό της παύει, αυτή η αμήχανη θλίψη που βασίζεται σε μια φαντασιακή σχέση η οποία τώρα αποκαλύπτεται και ταυτόχρονα μεταμορφώνεται –χωρίς να αλλάζει– σε παρελθόν."]
"Είναι αυτή η μονομερής οικειότητα που ακόμα και στον μονόδρομό της παύει, αυτή η αμήχανη θλίψη που βασίζεται σε μια φαντασιακή σχέση η οποία τώρα αποκαλύπτεται και ταυτόχρονα μεταμορφώνεται –χωρίς να αλλάζει– σε παρελθόν."]
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